'Tis the Fu**ing Season.

Why is it that the "most wonderful time of the year" also comes with so many painful feelings?! Sure, there's loads of joy, fun, love, laughter, gratitude, peace... but then the rough moments surface, and you're trapped in the grief, loss, fear, loneliness, and emptiness. As the lights begin to twinkle a little less, the urge to start your own fire gets a little stronger... along with the drinks. For an addict, this is dangerous.

Maybe it's the deep reflection that the end of each year brings, or maybe it's memories that come flooding back. Maybe it's that damn Ghost of Christmas Past. Whatever the case, things get heavy and there's not always a clear reason or solution. Sometimes you just have to sit in the pain. Don't try to fix it. Don't numb it. Just feel it to heal it.

I've been driving the struggle bus for a little while now. Maybe it's aging. Maybe hormones. Maybe the weight of the world. When I try to pinpoint it and assign one cause, it seems to change by the hour. That's probably because it's not just one thing... it's life. Lots of moments, feelings, memories, disappointments, hardships... it almost feels like it all comes up to haunt you at Christmas because maybe it will be just a little easier if at least there is cheer in the air (even if you're not breathing it).

It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be pissed. It's ok to feel defeated. Life is hard... for literally EVERYONE. Your pain is no less important than anyone else's. Let yourself break once in awhile. Just don't unpack and live there. Remember... if we didn't have these deep, dark moments, how would we ever appreciate the light when it shines in?!! The painful cracks and bruises and bumps are all part of the beauty.

So if you're struggling, just know that you are not alone. The one thing that we can always count on to be true is that this too, shall pass. Maybe it will pass like a giant, infected kidney stone... but it will pass. My mom always told me "it may not be a laughing matter, but no matter, you laugh." If you need some dark humor to get you through, I'm your girl and I gotchu. So have your cry, but then pull yourself up and (to quote Clark Griswold) "when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down the chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse." Happy Holidays!!