Mid-Life Madness

Being a woman in her 40s is the ultimate game changer. There's something so liberating about coming into yourself wholly with zero fu**s to give. The empowerment and the freedom that comes with it is like nothing else. I LOVE it so much.

You know what I don't love? Hormones. Rude little bitches that creep up and wreak havoc on your body and mind. Don't we have enough to deal with already?!

I spent my 20s partying and then was hit with my MS diagnosis at age 27. When you suddenly lose the ability to walk or shower by yourself or brush your own teeth, you are humbled pretty quickly. I spent my 30s trying to figure out my new body with MS, meds, and still active in my alcoholism. The most agonizing time of my life was probably my mid 30s when I had to actively make a decision about whether or not to have kids. I would be such an amazing Mom. I know I would be. Unfortunately, I began to view it a little differently though, and I came to the conclusion that it just is not in the cards for me. I struggle enough as is and the thought of bringing a child into my own suffering was unbearable. This was the most difficult decision I've ever made, next to giving up alcohol.

Cut to my 40s, where I am proud of my decision. I value and cherish all the Moms out there, because I genuinely could not do it. It's the hardest job in the entire world and it never ends. I look at my mom friends and am constantly in awe of them. As I now enter Perimenopause and my body has given me a whole new set of issues, I am thanking myself daily for not having a child. I don't think I would survive it at this rate. My body doesn't even feel like my own, my brain is a complete mess and I lose it daily. Is this just what it's like forever? First puberty, then periods, then pregnancy, Perimenopause, Menopause... when do we get a break?! I look at my mom now in her 70s and have never been more impressed by her. So maybe in about 30 years I'll have my shit together??! One can only hope.

Being a human in this world is difficult. Being a woman in this world is terrifying. Being a middle aged woman in this world is a mixture of being unbothered, unhinged, and unsure while also feeling like a badass who could take over the world. It's the strangest thing, but I'm not the first person to go through it, nor will I be the last. This is just what we do. Men and women. We get up, we handle what life throws at us, and we do it all over again the next day and the next day and the next day until one day, we sit back and laugh at how we got here while also thanking God that we even got here at all.

The human experience is most certainly not for the weak. Today, I honor all the wild women out there who fight the good fight every single day. The ones who do what feels right to them, regardless of how it looks or feels to anyone else. The ones who stand up for what's right and believe in themselves. The ones who feel like they're failing but are forgetting to look at just how far they've come. We are fucking powerful. We got this.

Stay cool, stay toxic, do what feels good, don't hurt people, and just be yourself. You are beautiful.